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I AM WALKING MADNESS. I AM NEVER ENDING CHAOS. I AM THE SICK CREATION. WITH INSANITY AS MY BEING I SHALL DROWN THE WORLD INTO HAVOC AND ENGULF IT IN DARKNESS. MY NAME IS YOSHIMOTO. THE END HAS COME!
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Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:39 pm
Xpgamer7
Level 17
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Re: YomToxic's stories.
So it's obvious the style of it. It has a focus on conversation and Jack doesn't really give a shit, he just wants to get laid. Jill is really the one pulling the story along as she has a deep care for her brother that's probably misinterpreted as sexual love. Regardless the characters act more knowing and self aware than they should. They act like teenagers or awkward adults when they're really kids. They also know way more about sex than most kids their age, especially given the context of the original poem.
It's kind of silly that the first line of the poem is included in how different it is from the rest of the story in writing style. It plays it as a parody and not a fanfiction. The actual story pays light attention to physical details, trying to make a realistic sexual situation the two might get in. In actuality Jill is just being a slut towards Jack, while he's just being an awkward somewhat knowing kid. I don't know if she's an all around one and probably not seeing as she's a virgin but that's unsaid by the story. It definitely has plays from hentai story because of the simplistic this then that dialouge, taking simple things and using emotions to convey them. On that the characters are dull. Jack is just a dorky kid who won't take charge, and his sister is kinda slutty in the moment. Not much to it. There are ways to add in character, but really it's a porn parody of a poem. It does it's simplistic style well taking care of the setings, although it doesn't go into to much detail on the sex.
altogether as a quality work it would rate lower, but as an exercise in basic parody it works well.
_________________ The truth to everything lies in nothing. Games are awesome Nuff Said. Fuck you all, I love you so much. Storytelling is my true love. I Thought of all of these statements in an instant. I improv so well not improving is like retarding myself. BLAH BLAH BLAH Pretentious crap, references, jokes, and contrary statements.
Sun Mar 04, 2012 6:57 pm
Pantsman
Level 39
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Re: YomToxic's stories.
I failed in english back in 2002, so HA!
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Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:32 pm
tuypo1
Level 22
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Re: YomToxic's stories.
would be better without the incest i think
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