Reply to topic  [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
 How to fuck a dolphin. 
Author Message
God Of Fuck
God Of Fuck
User avatar

Cash on hand:
0.00
Posts: 126
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:00 pm
Location: USA
Group: Registered users
Post How to fuck a dolphin.
Old, but still funny.
------------------------



When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species… it seems women just don’t like dolphins enough… so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitis and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward...

A male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it’s length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (IE. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn’t take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.

Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don’t be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalization.

Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.

One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn’t just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.

_________________
Image
psychokittyboy wrote:
Lol, you thought you found porn he didn't already have.


Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:25 am
Profile
ANTI-POPE
ANTI-POPE
User avatar

Cash on hand:
1,068,355.55
Posts: 29418
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 3:43 pm
Location: BEL AIR
Group: HANZO EMPIRE
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
IN SOVIET RUSSIA, DOLPHIN FUCKS YOU!

...Oh...wait....

_________________
[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]
3333333333333333333333333
Image


Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:19 am
Profile E-mail
Level 38
Level 38
User avatar

Cash on hand:
0.00
Posts: 16417
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:51 am
Group: Oldies
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
How did anyone close enough to a dolphin to try this?


Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:07 am
Profile E-mail
Level 11
Level 11
User avatar

Cash on hand:
0.00
Posts: 1213
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:50 pm
Group: Oldies
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
GUILOP

_________________
Yes, I have ADHD. J/K I'm Just CrAzy!!!!

psychokittyboy wrote:
But I like our daily circle jerk of patheticness =[

Image
Perpetually Bored


Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:35 am
Profile
Level 38
Level 38
User avatar

Cash on hand:
3,564.25

Bank:
5,250.50
Posts: 20878
Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2009 11:44 pm
Group: Sysop
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
DARNIT.

_________________
Image
Yeap.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:35 am
Profile E-mail WWW
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
User avatar

Cash on hand:
333,313,710.00

Bank:
0.00
Posts: 18788
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: Nepal (np)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Explodes

_________________
Image
PUNCH YO FACE
Apply To The Їи$aиїту Group! | Veiw My Ultimate Fh Tribute!
! ! '
© 2010 -2099 Headfuck The Wise. All Rights Reserved.

Quotes
Spoiler: show
Image
who149 wrote:
I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on.
Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero.
On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me.
In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.

Remon wrote:
Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world!
YomToxic wrote:
YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
2 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:02 am
Profile E-mail WWW
Not Quite Left-Winged
Not Quite Left-Winged
User avatar

Cash on hand:
424,020.00
Posts: 11160
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:57 pm
Location: Your computer
Group: Registered users
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Lame

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:03 am
Profile E-mail
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
User avatar

Cash on hand:
333,313,710.00

Bank:
0.00
Posts: 18788
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: Nepal (np)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
im bored so ima spam copypasta of CBP's post




When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species… it seems women just don’t like dolphins enough… so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitis and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward...A male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end.



















Oh wow my ps3 wont paste the whole thing

_________________
Image
PUNCH YO FACE
Apply To The Їи$aиїту Group! | Veiw My Ultimate Fh Tribute!
! ! '
© 2010 -2099 Headfuck The Wise. All Rights Reserved.

Quotes
Spoiler: show
Image
who149 wrote:
I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on.
Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero.
On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me.
In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.

Remon wrote:
Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world!
YomToxic wrote:
YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
2 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:46 pm
Profile E-mail WWW
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
User avatar

Cash on hand:
333,313,710.00

Bank:
0.00
Posts: 18788
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: Nepal (np)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
i shall do it in parts then for lulz

male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it’s length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (IE. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn’t take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates!

_________________
Image
PUNCH YO FACE
Apply To The Їи$aиїту Group! | Veiw My Ultimate Fh Tribute!
! ! '
© 2010 -2099 Headfuck The Wise. All Rights Reserved.

Quotes
Spoiler: show
Image
who149 wrote:
I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on.
Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero.
On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me.
In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.

Remon wrote:
Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world!
YomToxic wrote:
YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
2 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:59 pm
Profile E-mail WWW
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
User avatar

Cash on hand:
333,313,710.00

Bank:
0.00
Posts: 18788
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: Nepal (np)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
nvm i hit level 10, gonna go read doujins now... ìll späm my way to jevel 11 tomorrow




















ßñùèòúàéóûüôêáâëõýÿöìãäíø,.œîå

_________________
Image
PUNCH YO FACE
Apply To The Їи$aиїту Group! | Veiw My Ultimate Fh Tribute!
! ! '
© 2010 -2099 Headfuck The Wise. All Rights Reserved.

Quotes
Spoiler: show
Image
who149 wrote:
I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on.
Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero.
On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me.
In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.

Remon wrote:
Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world!
YomToxic wrote:
YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
2 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:13 pm
Profile E-mail WWW
Lord Cumdrops
Lord Cumdrops
User avatar

Cash on hand:
423,083.55
Posts: 2017
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:57 am
Location: Behind a corner
Group: Gurren Doujin Brigade
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
pie?

ANYONE WANTS SOME FUCKING PIE?

_________________
LordofFlames. The somewhat unknown oldie!

Image

Image

Spoiler: show
Image

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:30 am
Profile E-mail
Level 27
Level 27
User avatar

Cash on hand:
363,786.35

Bank:
4,444,444.44
Posts: 4903
Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:12 pm
Location: The Inner Sanctum.
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: United States (us)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
No idea what that fool is talking about, I took a load of Dolphin jizz up the ass and I'm perfectly fine.

_________________
Spoiler: show
Image
Image
Image
Spoiler: show
Image


Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:23 am
Profile E-mail
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
User avatar

Cash on hand:
333,313,710.00

Bank:
0.00
Posts: 18788
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ
Group: Їи$aиїту
Country: Nepal (np)
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
reina.. that turns me on a little

_________________
Image
PUNCH YO FACE
Apply To The Їи$aиїту Group! | Veiw My Ultimate Fh Tribute!
! ! '
© 2010 -2099 Headfuck The Wise. All Rights Reserved.

Quotes
Spoiler: show
Image
who149 wrote:
I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on.
Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero.
On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me.
In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.

Remon wrote:
Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world!
YomToxic wrote:
YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
2 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:41 pm
Profile E-mail WWW
Not Quite Left-Winged
Not Quite Left-Winged
User avatar

Cash on hand:
424,020.00
Posts: 11160
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:57 pm
Location: Your computer
Group: Registered users
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Now the question is. Do YOU cum harder than a Dolphin?

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:51 pm
Profile E-mail
Level 38
Level 38
User avatar

Cash on hand:
3,564.25

Bank:
5,250.50
Posts: 20878
Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2009 11:44 pm
Group: Sysop
Post Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Hmmmmm......

_________________
Image
Yeap.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:12 am
Profile E-mail WWW
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
 

Similar topics

 
Manga Emphasis? More than Life before Technology? Fuck nah!
Forum: Fuck all
Author: RV-007
Replies: 2
Twilight Zone marathon fuck yeah!
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: F_JUNK_DUMP
Replies: 4
fuck demonoid!
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: ADP
Replies: 4
AFH! GET THE FUCKING FUCK ON MSN/SKYPE/CHATANGO/FH/BANANAS
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: YomToxic
Replies: 4
Fuck 'smart' People/Peers Who Don't Think About Employment!
Forum: Fuck all
Author: RV-007
Replies: 3
Top


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Mods Database :: Imprint :: Crawler Feeds :: Reset blocks
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.

Portal XL 5.0 ~ Premod 0.3 phpBB SEO