|
|
Author |
Message |
CrimsonBloodPhoenix
God Of Fuck
Posts: 126 |
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:00 pm |
Cash on hand: 0.00
Location: USA |
Group: Registered users |
|
How to fuck a dolphin.
Old, but still funny. ------------------------
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species… it seems women just don’t like dolphins enough… so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitis and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward...
A male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it’s length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (IE. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn’t take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don’t be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalization.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn’t just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
_________________
psychokittyboy wrote: Lol, you thought you found porn he didn't already have.
|
Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:25 am |
|
|
「H A N Z O」
ANTI-POPE
Posts: 29891 |
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 3:43 pm |
Cash on hand: 1,165,940.80
Location: BEL AIR |
Group: hanzo ord3r |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
IN SOVIET RUSSIA, DOLPHIN FUCKS YOU!
...Oh...wait....
_________________ Ringed with the azure world he stands Emperor of the sky Lord of the ocean The very image of a king
|
Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:19 am |
|
|
linklonk07
Level 38
Posts: 16417 |
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:51 am |
Cash on hand: 0.00
Group: Oldies |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
How did anyone close enough to a dolphin to try this?
|
Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:07 am |
|
|
someguy542003
Level 11
Posts: 1213 |
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:50 pm |
Cash on hand: 0.00
Group: Oldies |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
GUILOP
_________________ Yes, I have ADHD. J/K I'm Just CrAzy!!!!
psychokittyboy wrote: But I like our daily circle jerk of patheticness
Perpetually Bored
|
Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:35 am |
|
|
Pantsman
Level 39
Posts: 21063 |
Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2009 11:44 pm |
Cash on hand: 2,187.55
Bank: 5,250.50
Group: Sysop |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
DARNIT.
_________________
Yeap.
_________________
1 pcs.
|
4 pcs.
|
|
Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:35 am |
|
|
Odin Anarki
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
Posts: 19749 |
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 258,935,944.23
Bank: 7,777,777.77
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Explodes
_________________
?Їи$aиїту Group! | Ultimate Fh Tribute!
© 2010 -2099 Odin Anarkis. All Rights Reserved. Quotes - Spoiler: show
who149 wrote: I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on. Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero. On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me. In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.
Remon wrote: Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world! YomToxic wrote: YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.
|
Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:02 am |
|
|
BlackAmethyst
Not Quite Left-Winged
Posts: 11160 |
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 424,020.00
Location: Your computer |
Group: Registered users |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Lame
|
Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:03 am |
|
|
Odin Anarki
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
Posts: 19749 |
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 258,935,944.23
Bank: 7,777,777.77
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
im bored so ima spam copypasta of CBP's post
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species… it seems women just don’t like dolphins enough… so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitis and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward...A male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end.
Oh wow my ps3 wont paste the whole thing
_________________
?Їи$aиїту Group! | Ultimate Fh Tribute!
© 2010 -2099 Odin Anarkis. All Rights Reserved. Quotes - Spoiler: show
who149 wrote: I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on. Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero. On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me. In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.
Remon wrote: Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world! YomToxic wrote: YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.
|
Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:46 pm |
|
|
Odin Anarki
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
Posts: 19749 |
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 258,935,944.23
Bank: 7,777,777.77
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
i shall do it in parts then for lulz
male dolphin’s member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it’s length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (IE. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn’t take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates!
_________________
?Їи$aиїту Group! | Ultimate Fh Tribute!
© 2010 -2099 Odin Anarkis. All Rights Reserved. Quotes - Spoiler: show
who149 wrote: I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on. Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero. On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me. In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.
Remon wrote: Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world! YomToxic wrote: YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.
|
Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:59 pm |
|
|
Odin Anarki
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
Posts: 19749 |
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 258,935,944.23
Bank: 7,777,777.77
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
nvm i hit level 10, gonna go read doujins now... ìll späm my way to jevel 11 tomorrow
ßñùèòúàéóûüôêáâëõýÿöìãäíø,.œîå
_________________
?Їи$aиїту Group! | Ultimate Fh Tribute!
© 2010 -2099 Odin Anarkis. All Rights Reserved. Quotes - Spoiler: show
who149 wrote: I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on. Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero. On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me. In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.
Remon wrote: Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world! YomToxic wrote: YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.
|
Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:13 pm |
|
|
LordofFlames
Lord Cumdrops
Posts: 2017 |
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:57 am |
Cash on hand: 423,083.55
Location: Behind a corner |
Group: Gurren Doujin Brigade |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
pie?
ANYONE WANTS SOME FUCKING PIE?
_________________ LordofFlames. The somewhat unknown oldie!
- Spoiler: show
_________________
1 pcs.
|
1 pcs.
|
|
Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:30 am |
|
|
ReinaHarden
Level 27
Posts: 4903 |
Joined: Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:12 pm |
Cash on hand: 363,786.35
Bank: 4,444,444.44
Location: The Inner Sanctum. |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
No idea what that fool is talking about, I took a load of Dolphin jizz up the ass and I'm perfectly fine.
_________________
- Spoiler: show
- Spoiler: show
|
Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:23 am |
|
|
Odin Anarki
ℱᒪ૪ᓰﬡᘐ ᖘ⋒ᖇᖰᒪᙓ ᖘᙓﬡᓮᔕ
Posts: 19749 |
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 258,935,944.23
Bank: 7,777,777.77
Location: ЇИ УОЦЯ MЇЙD FЦCКЇЙG ЇT ЇЙTО ОBLЇVЇОЙ |
Group: Їи$aиїту |
Country: |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
reina.. that turns me on a little
_________________
?Їи$aиїту Group! | Ultimate Fh Tribute!
© 2010 -2099 Odin Anarkis. All Rights Reserved. Quotes - Spoiler: show
who149 wrote: I'm trying i'm trying~ i'm making I'll try too slowly up my posting. At least once a day for a bit. Then I'll up that too twice, then four, then 8 and so on. Until eventually I wake up one morning and find out that I am actually an Idiot hero. On some quest too cheat on his gf or raise affection of 5 women who conveniently live in my the same dorm as me. In which I only have 100 days to seduce them all.
Remon wrote: Now we can dominate the porn industry, camera industry, AND the world! YomToxic wrote: YOU BETTER STAY ALIVE OR ELSE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU DEAD.
|
Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:41 pm |
|
|
BlackAmethyst
Not Quite Left-Winged
Posts: 11160 |
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:57 pm |
Cash on hand: 424,020.00
Location: Your computer |
Group: Registered users |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Now the question is. Do YOU cum harder than a Dolphin?
|
Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:51 pm |
|
|
Pantsman
Level 39
Posts: 21063 |
Joined: Sat Feb 14, 2009 11:44 pm |
Cash on hand: 2,187.55
Bank: 5,250.50
Group: Sysop |
|
Re: How to fuck a dolphin.
Hmmmmm......
_________________
Yeap.
_________________
1 pcs.
|
4 pcs.
|
|
Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:12 am |
|
|
|
Who is online |
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 120 guests |
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum
|
|
|
|