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 prison gaurd story telling 
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Post prison gaurd story telling
idk if these are true or not but... eh

by cedric coleman-


"We had one lieutenant come in and treat the inmates like dirt, calling them names and acting like the hardass guards from the movies. What he didn't account for is how much time you have to spend alone with these guys.
One day, he went to investigate a fight between two inmates, but it turned out to be a diversion. Two other inmates came up from behind and ambushed him. He was stabbed 61 times before he could signal the officer in the control room to open the door and let him in. He survived..."
"I knew a guard who got on an inmate's bad side without ever knowing why. She was just pulled into a cell one day and had the shit beaten out of her."
"Inmates train for riots. At yard time, you'll see a ton of them doing martial arts together. Sometimes they'll start a fight with three or four guys just to see what our response is, that way they're able to work up a counter for it. They figure out what our moves are, and then they practice their methods for beating us while we watch. You'd think we might be able to turn that right around and train to counter their new methods, but, again, there's no money for training."
"That's one of the reasons we let them have things like Xboxes and PlayStations. If you give them video games, they'll be less likely to start fights. So once a week we'd hook up a bunch of TVs in a classroom so all of the murderers and rapists could play Halo. There's nothing more interesting than seeing guys who have killed multiple people deathmatching each other. Teabagging seems a lot less innocent when you know it might end with one of the aforementioned riots."
"We had some out-of-state inmates who didn't like that we didn't allow blue jeans or conjugal visits. They got together in the yard during exercise time and decided they wouldn't leave. We locked them in the yard, so they dragged all the free weights up to the bars and brought them down on the barrel locks, popping them right open. Once free, the first target -- instead of "the guards" or "the front gate" -- was the soda machines, which we had for some reason. The inmates knocked them over, burst them open, and savored the sweet taste of free prison Pepsi.
So now we had a bunch of caffeinated, riotous inmates. They forced their way into the control room, broke out all the windows, trashed the equipment, and only then realized they had no way to open the doors again. So they had to go back to the free weights so they could hammer the door frames into dust and break back out of the control room.
During the riot, one dude who'd switched over from the Crips to the Bloods realized that his new friends didn't really care for him. They chased him down and stabbed him five or six times, but he made it back to his cell and locked the wooden door. Then they burned the wooden door down and stabbed him 15 or 20 more times until he crawled out of the room. He made his way out of his cell and all the way down the hall to the guards, being stabbed all the while. He survived (again -- a human can survive a lot of stabbing) and wound up suing the prison for a bunch of money.
That riot lasted 12 hours and did around $10 million in damage to the prison."

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Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:27 pm
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Post Re: prison gaurd story telling
"You've probably heard about prisoners being pretty good at turning stuff like spoons and pencils into deadly knives, but that stuff is easy work. A skilled prisoner can make a knife out of literally any solid substance you care to give him. We had one inmate spend days wetting sheet after sheet of newspaper and compressing them together under a small stack of books. Eventually, the paper dried into a rigid cardboard brick. The inmate sharpened this on the floor of his cell, and in about a month he had himself a fine little face-stabbing knife."
"But prison ingenuity is at its best when it comes to the business of getting shitfaced. Each cell contains a bunk bed with a small gray box for that bed's inmate to store his stuff in. And in most cases, "stuff" is a synonym for "personal brewery." These guys will mash old fruit up with toothpaste and ketchup, stick it in a bag, and let it ferment quietly under their belongings. When they open it up, suddenly the building is full of a stench like oranges and puke. Some inmates will cut it with Metamucil so it goes down easier, which does not help matters as far as our noses are concerned.
That's not even getting into what happens when these guys drink the stuff. Once, a huge dreadlocked dude chugged an entire gallon of prison wine (or "pruno"). He got aggressive, and the whole mess ended with two empty canisters of prison mace, three injured guards, and one passed-out prisoner who woke up very confused the next day."

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Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:36 pm
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Post Re: prison gaurd story telling
"Well, I worked in prisons for seven years, and I only saw one rape. If you're wondering how all of these males can go without sex for so long, well, who says they do? There are plenty of guys who are willing sex partners. You'd walk by cells and see one guy's head bobbing up and down and just knock on the gates and say, "Hey, you crazy kids, that's enough!"
That's not to say that sexual assault never happens or to trivialize the problem for the people it happens to. But the truth is that between 0.7 and 6.3 percent of inmates report being sexually victimized, and while even one is too many, that's still far short of the nonstop rape frenzy that pop culture portrays. In reality, a lot of prisoners just embrace being one of the, uh, more desirable men in lockup. They grow their hair long, get some sexy tattoos, and start flirting with whoever makes the best pruno and/or knives."

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Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:44 pm
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