Welcome to the 7th edition of HOLY SHIT NEWS! Let's pull out the shovel and dig up the shit.
-HOLY SHIT! IT'S VALENTINES DAY AND WHO GIVES A FUCK! Don't feel
on this day, because nobody fuckin' loves you any other fuckin' day and either way you lose today. If you're fuckin' single, you lose, because you're a lonely virgin today, but if you're in a relationship, guess what? YOU STILL FUCKIN' LOSE! Why? Because you have to buy your lover a stupid ass gift that you already did not even 2 months prior on Christmas. Lastly, IT'S NOT A REAL GODDAMN HOLIDAY! Lesson, fuck Valentines Day and don't feel like a little cunt! Also, they made another holiday today called "Singles Awareness Day"... Next!
-Mattel has announced at the New York Toy Fair that they're bringing back "ThingMaker" as a 3-D printer! HOLY FUCK! If they go far enough with it, we could possibly make our own dildo's with it! FUCK YOU HIGH PRICED FLESHLIGHTS!!! The catch is that you have to used an app with it, which kinda limits you a bit. However, I'm hoping they could add a feature to the app to where you could import your own custom designs. WE COULD MAKE MILLIONS OFF OF SLUTTY MCSLUT FIGURES AND SEX TOYS!!!
-Joaquin Garcia was fined €27,000 for failing to show up to work at his water treatment plant job in Cádiz for 6 years, nigga, 6 YEARS!!! He was going to receive a long-term service award, but they found out that he has been absent for 6 DAMN YEARS!!! How the fuck did no one notice? Either way, that's some impressive shit!
-Finally, seeing as how this edition is pretty short, I'll add a movie review to this. Today's movie is Deadpool. It's a funny as hell, action packed, entertaining movie! 5 outta 5 nigga go see it!
So there ya go, this is madassgamer and I think I may need to do HSN mutilple times a week for more news!