Welcome to the 9th edition of HOLY SHIT NEWS! As always, let's look at the shit that's going on in the world.
-At the Golden Rasberry awards, Fifty Shades of Grey won five awards and Fantastic Four won 2 awards. Not that it's news or anything as it comes to no surprise that both films sucks rhino ass.
-Meanwhile in the world of Politics, 38 Percent of Florida Voters Think that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. Which is quite stupid considering that the killings happened before he was even fuckin' born! Or perhaps it's meant to be metaphorical or some shit. Though, a man named Tim Faust recently made a shirt saying that "Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer". The said shirt is in high demand and the funds will go into a Texas organization to help fund abortions for low-income women. According to reports, the average patients income is around $930 while the abortion itself is around $950. I'm not against the practice itself, but my tip is WEAR THE DAMN RUBBER YOU FUCKIN' IDIOTS!!! Then again, it may feel better without the rubber, in that case PULL THE FUCK OUT QUICKER YOU SLOW SNAIL MOVING PRICK!!!
-Pre-orders for a 5 foot tall Snorlax cushion from Premium Bandai are available until March. The cushion in question is $460 dollars. HOLY FUCK THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY!!! It looks like many of you have to hold on to your body pillows until it comes down in price or you see a pissed on, dirty, smelly one at Goodwill for 5 dollars. If it sells well, we should make our own plushies, like Slutty McSlut
!
- Old hard cover Harry Potter books could be worth up to $55,000 according to reports. HOLY FUCK!!! Here's the value of the books.
https://www.yahoo.com/movies/copies-harry-potter-books-may-140039315.html If any of you guys have these books, let's fund it into Forkheads n shit and become a media giant >:D!!! Slutty McSlut would become the next big character since... I don't know, but let's do it!!!
- Finally, Lennie Baker of Sha Na Na died at 69, further proving my point that 69 is the new max life span for humans. By this point, we... are... FUCKED! R.I.P
This is the madassgamer and I'm gonna find a way to make Forkheads a media giant (Watch the fuck out, Viacom! >:D)
