Hell-O & whalecum to a new edition of HOLY SHIT NEWS.
- HOLY SHIT UPDATE: As stated in the last edition of HSN, I've stated that I'll keep everyone updated on Prince. Well, today we have some news about his death. Prince seemed fine while performing in Australia and California during his recent tours, but off stage, he "wasn't himself" said Ray Roberts. Ray Roberts was Prince's personal chef, he would cook for Prince almost every night for nearly three years. Before Prince's death, Roberts noticed that Prince wasn't himself, "not even a hint. Not at all." Roberts stated. Roberts also noticed that Prince's diet was different. Eating less, drinking less water, and was losing weight. "It felt like he wasn't himself probably the last month or two," Roberts said. "I think he was just struggling with being sick a lot." However, Lars Larson, a Minneapolis man who often worked at Paisley Park for Prince's parties stated that "He seemed fine. He looked normal and he had this kind of energetic glow that he always had."
It was also shown that Prince had possession of prescription pain killers before he died. However, they have no information at the moment if they anything to do with with Prince's death. What about the autopsy you may ask? Well, the results are still not back yet, as they stated that "It may take weeks for it." Hopefully this shit won't take too much longer. While all this is going on, Prince's family will be heading to court tomorrow on what will happen to his estate. Prince was "leaving an estimated $300 million up for grabs, had no known will or trust," according to his sister Tyka Nelson. What ever happens tomorrow, HSN will keep you updated.
- Logan, West Virginia Officials Say ""Bill and Hillary Clinton are simply not welcome in our town. Mrs. Clinton's anti-coal messages are the last thing our suffering town needs at this point. The policies that have been championed by people like Mrs. Clinton have all but devastated our fair town, and honestly, enough is enough. We wish them the best in their campaign, however we again state they are not welcome on our city properties. We hope that you will respectfully consider NOT visiting our community." Seeing as this is West Virginia, I believe they don't want them there, because they're racist against Clinton. Bill Clinton is the truest nigga to ever walk the face of the Earth and those punk ass bitches in WV can't handle his gangstaness. I would say Hillary can go suck a dick, but she sucks at doing that too. Thanks, Monica
- WWE Payback will be on tonight. The main event will feature Roman Reigns going up against #1 Contender and former TNA talent A.J Styles. Seeing as how Vinny Mac has a fetish for him and is pushing him to the moon, I feel that Reigns will win. I also have a feeling that this PPV will be false advertisement, because the Wyatt family are on the poster. This is a problem, because 2 of the Wyatts (Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper) are currently out due to injury. Unless somehow they pull a surprise on us, I doubt they'll appear.
- Finally, World Naked Gardening Day will be held on May 7. May I ask, WHO THE FUCK DOES THEIR GARDENING SHIT NAKED?! The last fuckin' thing I need is to get fucked in the ass by a fat 50 year old fat dude while I'm pulling out my Tomatoes! The Holiday was created by the Hulme Garden Centre. They claim that WNGD has no political agenda too it, but to remind us where we came from. “When you’re out there with a gentle breeze on you, every last hair on your body feels it, You feel completely connected with the natural world in a way you just can’t in clothes.” Sounds great and all, but what the fuck happens when someone gets a boner, then you'd want to plant your "seeds" inside his/her "field". I don't know, just don't bring in any sex offenders and big black dudes from a prison shower room DX
This is the madassgamer and I'm gonna tell people in the Naked Garden not to drop the Potato!
