Hell-O & Whalecum to the 84th edition of HSN!
- Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear is now being treated for Pneumonia. NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO! MOTHER FUCKERS, IF YOU KILL HIM, I WILL GO TO THE DISEASE SPIRIT REAL OR WHATEVER THE FUCK AND DRIFT MY FUCKIN' BIMMER X5 INTO YOU ASSES!!!!
- During the whole Nuke fiasco, Japan mourns the people who were killed by the Hiroshima bombing 72 years ago. Japan Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe called for global cooperation to end nuclear weapons.
"For us to truly realize a world without nuclear weapons, the participation of both nuclear weapon states and non-nuclear weapon states is necessary."
Japan ironically still has Nukes. Gotta fight off the Three Headed Dragons some how
-Remember that terrible disaster that happened at the Ohio State Fair? Well, it turns out that the malfunction was caused by corrosion, according to the manufacturer. WHAT?! Ohio has one of the strictest inspections in America and all that shit was caused by goddamn corrosion?! You think they would've noticed that shit?! According to product manager, Albert Kroon, "excessive corrosion on the interior of the gondola support beam dangerously reduced the beam's wall thickness over the years." The ride in question was 18 years old. I ain't no ride specialist, but you think you could've either, replace the fucked up parts, or redesign it? Or better yet, DITCH THE FUCKIN' THING FOR A NEW PRODUCT YOU GOLDMAN NUT SACHS!
- Finally, NASA is offering a 6-Figure Job where you can defend the Earth from Aliens. Yes, you read that right, FUCKIN' ALIENS!!! Or as they say "Microbes", so "Space Germs" so to speak... FUCKIN' ALIENSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the madassgamer and I'm gonna fight Aliens with faulty Amusement Park Rides laced with Pneumonia!