Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
 How to make your own Ice cream 
Author Message
Level 22
Level 22
User avatar

Cash on hand:
174,929.20
Posts: 2255
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:10 am
Location: SR388
Group: Special Access
Post How to make your own Ice cream
Well it's fucking summer in forkheadia, it's hot, and you want to get your fucking chill on downtown style, whatever that means.

fuck yeah. lets do this shit! :fireeye

wait! don't I need an ice cream maker?

NO, you do not cooki: . you just need patience, the amount of patience you apply will determine if the ice cream is hard or soft or if you have absolutely no patience it will be a lump of frozen ice crystals with milky bits amidst them.

so the first ingredient is:
Patience 25 to 100% (patience to taste, instead of salt and pepper to taste) :=P

OK, so I gots teh patience, what nows?

well it depends what kinda icecream you want to be makin up in this bee-atch. Not all Ice cream is created equal. :pirate

Gelato de Crema, also known as itallian gelato, is a custard based icecream and one of the most famous and original types of icecream possibly one of the first in the world besides ancient chinese ice cream or ancient arabic icecream (if you could call it that, it's more of a cream slushie). Gelato de Crema is known for it's sweet creamy soft texture, it may not be the softest icecream and it's not the hardest either, it's the enhanced creaminess of using custard that gives it the uniqueness.

American ice cream: fucking milk cream and a freezer, bitches! yeah. American icecream is known best as 'soft serve' icecream because it is typically way too soft to scoop and must be pumped into a twisted shape to pile it high. again it can be thicker that softserve the only thing that will make it softserve is if you give it 75% to 100% of your patience, less than that will yield a scoopable soft icecream comparable to gelato but lacking the extensive creaminess.

Pudding based icecream: yeah, if it's made with milk you can make it into icecream, that's how shit works bo, or at least nearly so, I'd imagine you could grind down some cheese and make ice cream with it but it's be a bit solid. right but lets get onto this, pudding based icecream is actually like the stuff you buy in the store in cartons of buckets, it's thicker and must be scooped, infact you can probably break a spoon on it if you aren;t careful to thaw it a bit before using it or use the old cup of hot water and spoon/scoop trick.

those are the main types of icecream. there are some others which use exclusively heavy whipping cream or half and half but meh. you can make those following the same procedures laid out here.

Right so moving on, let start with gelato:

first you'll need custard, you can't make custard based icecream without custard. now while you could go get a tin or box of instant custard, thats the easy way for lazybones and also costs quite a bit. instead lets make fresh custard, CAREFUL BITCH IF YOU AREN'T CAUTIOUS YOU'LL EITHER END UP WITH SCRAMBLED EGGS OR RAW EGG IN YOUR ICECREAM! neither is what you'd want.

right so heat some milk to medium heat but just below a boil, and carefully remove the yolks from 4 eggs. keep only the yolks, mix them up real good and slowly pour some of the hot milk into them while stirring furiously! :rawr use enough hot milk to more than equal the eggs, about one cup hot milk. as you stir the eggs will be mixed with the milk while the milk cooks them. now add a shit ton of sugar to taste and any other flavors you want, keep in mind it's best if you grind /chop them into tiny pieces or melt them before hand and stir it in (for stuff like chocolate). now dump a cup or two of heavy cream in and stir it up. Don't have heavy cream? melt 1/4th cup butter into 1 cup milk, heat it to medium but not boil and stir furiously. you should now simmer the mixture on the stove briefly (low heat to medium heat but not a boil)

Next take your concoction and put it into bowl that you can stir it easily in. put it into the fridge to cool and become thick custard.

if you're doing american icecream mix up your milk and cream to the desired thickness and continue

if you're making pudding based icecream make your pudding first. then continue.

once cool, stir it well and put it into the freezer. now here's where your patience comes in. if you want soft icecream you should basically sit there with a watch and something good and hard to stir with like chopsticks or the handle of a wooden spoon etc and every 2 minutes stir it furiously without taking it out of the freezer and closing the freezer when you're done. repeat this until it's ice cream. you need to stir it to break up the ice crystals which will try to form from the liquid in the custard/pudding or cream.

if you want it semi soft, stir every 5 minutes. if you want it semi hard stir every 10 minutes, if you want it hard stir every 12 to 15 minutes. usually it only takes 20 to 40 minutes to make it into icecream.

and it's just that simple.

frozen yogurt: you will need to add heavy cream or egg yolks for it to freeze, treat the yogurt as a replacement for milk in the recipes if you want frozen yogurt.


idiot icecream: I have seen several recipes call for cornstarch or flour and baking soda. fuck those stupid assholes, they have no clue what icecream is. they can sit there with a smug smile as they scoop their spoon into frozen yorkshire pudding all they like and think they must have been right and this is how icecream is made, but they are horribly terribly wrong and someone needs to beat the shit out of them for disgracing the name of icecream with the content of yorkshire pudding or corn bread. those dumb fucks are truly ignorant and believe icecream is thickened by using typical cooking thickeners.

_________________
mepsipax

Image

got any?

His name is not Robert Paulsen, His name is Gregory Matthew Bruni, he won so hard.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Wed Jun 15, 2016 1:43 am
Profile E-mail
Level 19
Level 19
User avatar

Cash on hand:
57,018.00
Posts: 1950
Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 1:28 pm
Group: Oldies
Post Re: How to make your own Ice cream
Isn't soft serve traditionally made with lard, rather than cream/milk? That's also not what I would think of as American Ice Cream, or any other source I can yet find. Usually you'd think more along the lines of Philadelphia method ice cream or some other kind of harder, scoopable ice cream (like the pudding kind you mention, or the kind that's essentially that but has been worked on a stone to soften it up first).

_________________
Back again. I do stuff. Do you?


Tue Jun 21, 2016 8:43 pm
Profile E-mail YIM
Level 22
Level 22
User avatar

Cash on hand:
174,929.20
Posts: 2255
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:10 am
Location: SR388
Group: Special Access
Post Re: How to make your own Ice cream
good God, man! lard in icecream?!

actually no, the softer the ingredients and less gelatinous they are the softer the ice cream. it can be made hard, just add more heavy cream and don't stir as often.

_________________
mepsipax

Image

got any?

His name is not Robert Paulsen, His name is Gregory Matthew Bruni, he won so hard.

_________________
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.
Click the icon to see the image in fullscreen mode  
1 pcs.


Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:56 am
Profile E-mail
Level 19
Level 19
User avatar

Cash on hand:
57,018.00
Posts: 1950
Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 1:28 pm
Group: Oldies
Post Re: How to make your own Ice cream
Yep, soft serve at least used to be made largely with lard instead of cream (or, instead of as much cream). Supposedly, that's been replaced with vegetable oils in most places (which can only be for the worse, as vegetable oils are a far inferior fat).

_________________
Back again. I do stuff. Do you?


Fri Jun 24, 2016 6:41 pm
Profile E-mail YIM
Level 0
Level 0
User avatar

Cash on hand:
9,732.05
Posts: 48
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:47 pm
Group: Registered users
Post Re: How to make your own Ice cream
joshex wrote:
good God, man! lard in icecream?!

actually no, the softer the ingredients and less gelatinous they are the softer the ice cream. it can be made hard, just add more heavy cream and don't stir as often.


MMMMM LARD CREAM
that's sum jav level fake cum stuff right there :dement

_________________
brain damage


Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:06 pm
Profile E-mail
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 5 posts ] 
 

Similar topics

 
things that make me bored
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: Bael
Replies: 11
We should make a Geddan...
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: Desmond
Replies: 5
Can anyone here make Gifs?
Forum: ./General Spam
Author: 「H A N Z O」
Replies: 8
Top


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Mods Database :: Imprint :: Crawler Feeds :: Reset blocks
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.

Portal XL 5.0 ~ Premod 0.3 phpBB SEO