Chapter 1: Let the adventure begin!
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Ahuh, so I'm on a cart...

Ridin' to adventure!

...



I take a good look around wtf izz this. On a fucking cart, with a bunch of tied up people? Now this is NOT how to start a good day...



Me: Yes, I just woke up. Thank you, Sir Obvious. And yes, if by crossing your borders meant starting this game up, that's what I did.

Random Thief: Damn you storm cloaks. Skyrim was fine until you came along. Empire was nice and lazy.

Random Thief: If they hadn't been looking for you, I could have stolen that horse and be halfway to Hammerfell!

Random Thief: You there, we shouldn't be here. It's these two stormcloaks the Empire wants.

Ralof: We're all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief.



Me: Eat shit, slutbucket.

Random Thief: What's wrong with him? (referring to some sadguy at the back)

Ralof: (suddenly sharp) Watch your tongue. You're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King.

Me: Oh boy. We're in a pickle.

Lokir, the Thief: Ulfric? The Jarl of Windhelm? You're the leader of the rebellion?

Lokir, the Thief: But if they've captured you... Oh, Gods, where are they taking us?

Ralof: I don't know where we're going, but Sovngarde awaits.

Lokir: No, this isn't happening, this can't be happening!

Ralof: Hey, what village are you from, horse thief?

Lokir: Why do you care?

Me: Aren't you the wittle emofag now.

Ralof: A Nord's last thoughts, should be of home.

Lokir: Rorikstead. I'm from Rorikstead.

Me: Well, you guys don't fuck around, do you?

Tullius: let's get this over with.

Lokir: Shor, Mara, Dibella, Kynareth, Akatosh, Divines please help me...

-

We have arrived in a little hamlet, with strawthatch roofs and everything. I'm guessing we're going to see a classical guillotine or some shit.

Ralof: Look at him, General Tullius, the military governor.

Ralof: And it looks like the Thalmor are with him. Damn elves. I knew they had something to do with it.

Ralof then starts to get nostalgia-bitten and starts mumbling about some girlfriend and mead with Juniper Berries.

The Thief, Lokir joins him and starts spewing nostalgia everywhere as well. Me having no idea wtf is going on, I take this time to carefully look around.

Some kid: Who are they? Where are they going?

Me: None of your damn business, welp!

Some kid's dad: You need to go inside, little cub.

Me: Yeah! Run! I'll kick your asses later!.

Some Kid: Why? I want to watch the soldiers!

Some kid's dad: Inside the house. Now.

Me: Your father is a wise man. It'll be easier to kill you all when you're cornered inside one of your puny houses.

Some bitchy captain: Get the prisoners out of the cart! Move it!

Me: Did I mention that you have a horrible voice and that I will kill you violently?

Lokir: Why are we stopping?

Me: Now you're Baron Obvious? That's because this is where the guillotine is, you stupid fuck.

Ralof: Why do you think? End of the line.

Ralof: Let's go. Should'nt keep the gods waiting for us.

Lokir: No! Wait! We're not rebels!

Ralof: Face your death with some courage, thief.

Lokir: We've got to tell them!. We weren't with them! This is a mistake!

Bitchy Captain: Step towards the block when we call your name. One at a time.

Ralof: Empire loves their damn lists.

Another Captainny Empire guy: Ulfric Stormcloak. Jarl of Windhelm.

Ralof: It has been an honor, Jarl Ulfric.

Captainny Empire guy: Ralof of Riverwood.

Captainny Empire guy: Lokir of Rorikstead.

Lokir: No, I'm not a rebel! You can't do this!

Lokir uses GET OUT FROG!
Lokir flees!

Bitchy captain: HALT!

Lokir: You're not gonna kill me!!

Bitchy captain: Archers!

Me: It's final. I'm going to fuck your shit up.

Narrator: Lokir gets BOOMHEADSHOT'd by some archer.

Lokir's GET OUT failed!
Lokir was killed!
Archer gains 2Exp!

Bitchy captain: Anyone else feel like running?

Captainny Empire guy: Wait, you there. Step forward.

Captainny Empire guy: Who.... are you?

Me: I'm Aeroscythe, High Elf.

Captainny Empire guy: You're not with the Thalmor embassy, are you, High Elf?

Me: I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I'm too busy plotting your painful deaths.



Me: You can start running. That's what you can do. You and your bitch over there.

Bitchy captain: Forget the list. He goes on the block.

Me: I thought you liked lists?

Captainny Empire guy: By your orders, captain.

Captainny Empire guy: I'm sorry. We'll make sure your remains are returned to Summerset Isles.

Me: Since you're polite, I'll make your death painless.

Captainny Empire guy: Follow the captain.

General Tullius: (talking to Ulfric aka the quietguy) Some in Helgen call you a hero, but a hero des not use a power like the Voice to murder his king and usurp the throneblahblah

Ulfric: grunt. (Translation: What the fuck ever.)

General Tullius: You started this war, plunged Skyrim into chaos, And now the Empire is going to put you down and restore peace.

Narrator: Some sort of super-sonic boom thingy resonates in the air.

Captainny Empire guy: What was that?!

General Tullius: It's nothing. Carry on.

Me: Pft, that's my deathgale, come to tear you fuckers apart.

Bitchy captain: Yes, General Tullius!

Bitchy captain: Give them their last rites.

Some priest: As we commend your souls to Aetherius, Blessings of the Eight Divines are for-

Stormcloak: For the love of Talos, shut up and get it over with!.

Me: Heh. Gutsy.

Some priest: As you wish.

Stormcloak: Come on! I havent got all morning!

Me: Yeap. He's got guts.



Stormcloak #2: You imperial bastards!

Ralof: As fealerss in death as he was in life.

Me: yeap. Guy's got balls to outbuff a tanooka.

Bitchy captain: Next, the high elf!

Me: I thought I wan't on your damned list?

Narrator: Some sort of super-sonic boom thingy resonates in the air... much closer this time.

Captainny Empire guy: There it is again. Did you hear that?

Bitchy captain: I said, next prisoner!

Captainny Empire guy: To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy.



Me: I guess this is gonna be like one of 'em Resident Evil 4 action scenes. Just wait. I'll make you pay. I'll make you ALL pay.



Me:... oh shi-.

General: What in Oblivion is that?

Bitchy captain: Sentries! What do you see?!

Me: I guess you're blind as well as cursed with suck.

Sentry: It's in the clouds!

Bitchy captain: Dragon!



Dragon: Lol sup.

Me: Ow.

Some soldier: Guards! Get the townspeople to safety!



Me: Okay. I think I've been knocked down. But on the bright side, these guys are getting carpet bombed by bombs. Don't ask me how. I guess I'd better get outta here.

Soldier: What in the eight divines is this thing?

Me: A dragon. Duuuuuurrrrrrrr.

Ralof: Hey! High Elf! Get up! The Gods wont give us another chance!



Me: Yeap. Bombs. Someone up there is SHITTING on us.



Ralof: Jarl Ulfric! What is that thing!? Could the ancient legends be true?

Ulfric: Legends dont burn down villages.

Ralof: We need to move, now!

Me: NOW you figure this out?

Ralof: Up though this tower! Let's go!



Dragon: HEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S BRUCIEE- Dammnit, I breathed fire again.

Ralof: See the in on the other side! Time to engage the Long Jump Module!

Me: Wrong game.

Ralof: Oh, sorry.

Cue jump that SHOULD have broken my bones.

Me: Well, that went well.

Captainny Empire guy: Hey! Follow me!

Me: Werent you trying to have me killed?

Captainny Empire guy: Sorry...

Ralof: We're escaping!

Captainny Empire guy: Oh no you dont!

Me: Yeah. I dont trust you. You and your worthless lists. Bye!

Captainny Empire guy: FU

Ralof: Yay! We're in the keep!



Ralof: (suddenly somber, he crouches next to a storm cloak soldier)We'll meet again. In Sovngarde.

Ralof: Looks like we're the only ones that made it.

Me: That's real nice.

Ralof: That thing was a dragon. No doubt. Just like children's stories and legends. The harbingers of the end times.

Me: So what passes around here as adult's stories?

Ralof: I'll hook you up with some sweet porn later.

Me: Nice to meet you, new best friend! Now...

Ralof: We'd better get moving. Let's see if we can get those bindings off.

Me: About bloody time.

Ralof: With that outta the way .... Random tutorial time!

Me: Aren't we supposed to escape?

Ralof: No worries, these walls are indestructible!

Me: Right.

Ralof: Okay, loot my dead buddy's body and give that axe of his a few goodass swings.

Me: An axe? Damn. You guys need better gear.

Ralof: What do you expect? Rail guns?

Me: Yeah.

Ralof: Who knows. Life is fucked as it is. I'll go get this gate open.

Me: You do that.

Narrator: The gate suddenly opens. Guess who's standing on the other side?



Me: Oh look, it's the bitch.

Bitchy captain: Don't let the stormcloaks get away!

Me: Now I shall put an axe in your skull.

*cue the shortest, most anticlimatic boss fight evar*



Me: REVENGE IS MIIIINE!

Ralof: I'm going to find keys and stuff.

Me: I'm gonna strip this bitch and take raunchy photos of her and post it on retardbook!.

Ralof: I found the keys! Let's move!

Me: No! I need to get this angle on her anus just right!

Ralof: But the dragon might drop this tower on our heads!

Me: You said the walls were invincible.

Ralof: Yeah... damn.

Me: SO WE WAIT UNTIL I'M DONE HERE!!

Ralof: Okay okay, no need to shout, damn!



Me: HEE HEE HEE HEE! WHADDYA THINK?!

Ralof: ...I guess you can take a few more snapshots.

Me: Yes.

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nude skyrim mod, google search it, get it, have fun with letsplays

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I believe there is now a loli mod for skyrim as well. I had one for fallout 3 and holy shit, dem high quality vaginas...

I wish you could use these mods on the Xbox version......I'm a little upset that I can't randomly kill people and then make them naked in the streets like they deserve.

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torrent the skyrim for teh pc

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I would, if my computer could handle it, but it would collapse under the weight of such a game. (It's old)

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Chapter 2: Unbound...?




Narrator: In our last episode the four ninjas did battle with Professor Chaos, bringer of destruction and doom. It was during that great battle that ninja master Kenny threw his star into Professor Chaos' eye. Now the ninjas were in serious trouble, because their parents might find out they had weapons if Professor Chaos told on them. While trying to get Professor Chaos some aid at the veterinarian's office, the four ninjas ran into Craig and his three friends. They challenged the four ninjas to fight, and the legendary battle of Tokugawa began. It was during this battle that Professor Chaos escaped, and so the four ninjas were forced to join forces with Craig and his friends to find Professor Chaos, or else they would all be grounded.

Me: Hey.

Narrator: What?

Me: Shut up and help me prop her into the doggie position.

Narrator: Sure. :>



Me: There we go. Screencap 51. We're good. Let's get the fuck outta here.

Ralof: Hey, once we get outta this joint, you share those pics with me, eh?

Me: Sure, but you gotta hook me up with the porno later.

Ralof: We have a deal, high elf.

*CRACK!*
Part of the ceiling collapses!



Me: What was that you were saying about the walls being indestructible?

Ralof: That was the ceiling! I said nothing about the ceiling!

Me: Right. Let's go.



Me: Wise move.



Up next is a torture chamber. Dispatching the two fools in there was an easy task. AXE IN SKULL, FUCKERS!

Ralof: Hey, there's something in this cage!

Me: You don't say?

Ralof: Let's try and get it open.

Me: Yeah. Might as well loot the guy.



Me: Ooh, Imma ninja.

Ralof: Lol.



Following the way down, we finally catch up to Ralof. He appears to have found a CONVENIENT cave entrance behind a CONVENIENTLY knocked down door. To this day, I suspect he had some C4 charges on him.

Ralof: This way!



We follow the cave in, and after a few steps in, we find a bunch of imperials who had the same idea as us, hiding inside what appears to be a subterran castle.

Oh, and they suck.

With their bodies strewn on the floor, I find a CONVENIENT oil slick on the floor, and decide to cremate them for the lulz.


Me: Ashes to ashes! Dust to dust!

Ralof and I, after toasting some marshmallows over the funeral pyre, carry on, deeper. After following a small underground stream, we end up in a large cavern.... a veritable

SPIDER MOSH PIT!

Me: Oh fuck.



Ralof: What next, giant snakes?

Me: You had to say it out loud, huh? OF ALL THE THINGS YOUVE BEEN BLABBERING ON ABOUT, IT JUST HAD TO BE GIANT SNAKES.

Ralof: What? What'd I do?! o_o

Me: YOU DO NOT MENTION SNAKES WHILE IN CAVES AND PLANES. VIDEO GAME RULE#271!

Ralof: .... Iz sorreh. ._.

Me: Well, let's get outta here before that snake shows up, okay?

Ralof: Good plan.



Me: I don't see any bear. Just this very out of place wooden cart.

Ralof: I'd rather not tangle with her right now. Let's try to sneak by. Just take it nice and slow, and watch where you step.

Ralof: Orr... if you're feeling lucky, you can take it down. Here, my bow and arrows. Take her by suprise.

Me: Superior plan.



Oh, and I think this is where I use these poisons I got from dem spiders.

Ralof: Where'd ya get the flasks from?

Me: I dont know. The spiders had them.

Ralof: Holy shit!

Me: Okay. I'll get into position.



Me: Aw yeah! Gangsta style!

Suprise buttsecks!

With a perfect shot, the bear is taken down, the poisons the salt in the wound.

Ralof: Sneaking is overrated, eh?

Me: Damn right it is.

*I take off it's pelt*
Me: Yay!

Ralof: I think we're almost out. Cmon!

Me: Hey.

Ralof pays no attention and runs off.

Me: I just wanted to say I saw all these...



bloodstains on the floor where you're going.

...

No answer.

Me:.... yeap. He's fucked.



Actually....

Me: Hey look, an exit!

Ralof: Finally!

We finally exit that cave, and into the snowy expanse of the outside.



Ralof suddenly freaks the fuck out and dives towards some rocks. Above, I see the dragon flying off, wearing the troll face, hsi work done.

Ralof: There he goes. Let's hope he's gone for good this time.

Ralof: No way to know anyone else made it out alive. But this place is gonna be swarming with imperials soon. We'd best get out of here.

Me: Right.



End Chapter 2: Unbound?

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You shoulda stuck your PINGAS up her bunghole.

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j00 shoulda used mod we all talked about

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I see no naked.

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But overall, I lol'd at the surprise buttsecks.

So, is your dick long and narrow?

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Pfft. I can also go to skyrim...


...maybe not...

Word of Power: Kill!

劉!

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Oh, I cant use the nude mods just yet.

I'll upload another chapter soon, though.

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I understand. Well, dont worry about it. Just keep doing your best.

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