Logic and depression don't necessarily mix.

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Can't argue with that.

the longer you are poor the harder and more worrisome it gets, you have to understand fluffy like everyone isn't living scott free, he's got bills, unpaid bills at that, he's barely holding money to afford himself and such and he got it through alot of blood sweat and tears litterally I'm sure well maybe not tears, fluffay is too tough to cry I think.

he's not really depressed he's anxious and worried, worried about the what ifs, like what if bill collectors come before he gets paid.

I used to get like that alot, cause I have no real money in my name, I'm always on the edge of my seat. I'm lucky however that I have other people I can rely on, fluffy is the one his family needs to rely on. by that of course I mean his household whatever it may contain.

anyways help give him distractions to take his mind off it all.

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The abyss swallowed him.

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Established uplink with abyss. Communication systems stable and warp-hole has been balanced by deploying load shifters.

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Translation : Rocket Launched!



Translation : Screaming Space Munkays!

fluffay, don't worry pal! hang on! we're coming!

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Life takes it's toll on you, but I think that's how life should be. If you don't worry about something, if you're not anxious once in a while - to me it seems like you're not fully alive.
I don't have familly, no one to rely on if things get hard, no one to help me if I fail at something. I'm sometimes envious of some of my friends that have this reassurence that if they won't be able to find job or fail at some studies - they have their famillies that can support them financially either by sustaining their lifes for extra month or afford extra classes and tutors. Of course it would be awesome to have this feeling that it's not the end of the world.
But to me at the same time it's normal, it always was this way, and because of that even tho i'm not perfect I take much pride in beeing who I am and achiving everything so far cause no one can take this credit away from me. This feeling of no point of retreat helps me endure hard times and also helps me to feel alive and be proud of myself whenever things change for better. What I've achived, where I am standing, who I am, everything about me is fruit of my endurance and tenacity and it makes me proud that i had no help. Also this uneasy feeling keeps me from going numb. No second chances, if I fail I have no one to rely on, I would be the only person to blame. And I hate it, I hate to fail so much, I hate to fail myself, I hate myself for it, I hate, hate, hate it so much that I just can't let that happen! Even if I have to force myself and push my limits. Not even because I can't afford plan B, simply because I would start hating who I am and couldn't stand myself. Each time I fail at something significat I feel the whip of my own personality at the back of my mind. And I can't stand it, it's a torture. My inner critic screams at me like a sergant drilling new recruits. I want to be lazy... and I love it! I take every possible opportuniy to lay down, sit on my fat ass and do nothing! NOTHING practical or usefull! But I couldn't live with myself if something went wrong.
This is kind of like the feeling of fear - it motivates you to do something, no matter if it's running away or defending yourself. But this restlesness also helps you in feeling alive... is what I think.
Without it I would feel like a plant or some kind of cripple immobilised by the misery that I'm experiencing, laying on my bed the whole day constantly escaping to my own world of "what if".
To me life is a constant test of endurance, like an arcade game with "endless mode" - it's hard and difficulty constantly grows but you also take pleasure from it. It doesn't get easier - you just get better at it and you must if you want to progress. Endurance and tenacity - that's all life's about.

I've been depressed a long time.

sounds like someone's been pushing your buttons too hard for them to get stuck like that.

life sux sometimes. best to look at the best thing you've got and be humble about it, but j00 already know that, I can tell.

true story; I woke up glowing blue from despair one day in 2006. I laid in bed for too long listening to the theme from the dream temple in link's awakening, and went to a place where I couldn't open my eyes, I think maybe I died. then I heard a voice " you're not ready yet, go back, danger, danger" that was probably when my immortality began.

but to wake up and actually realize you're not in a dream but your body has a blue glow around it and when you look into a mirror in the dark you can see your own glowing green eyes. yeah..

it's hard when you work your self silly take care of everything all responsible-like do everything by the book the right way, and no one gives a shit and ends up expecting more of you even criticizing you for things beyond human control. hey, I'm still in that state lol.

I suppose I'm still depressed, but I try to make the best of shit.

tonight I ate cows stomach/intestines and I'm not sure it was fully cleaned, had some brown bits on it. = BEEF.

lately I've been doing the one meal a day thing due to the brown waters. = I'm blessed, I get a meal a day! and then get to crack jokes about diarrhea.

I ate 2 meals today, my stomach is getting better but my throat is still filed with bronchitis it's attacking my tonsils now. has done so several times in the past month that I've had bronchitis. I should be dead but = Hey I'm not dead I'm sure there's lots of bright things about that, like here I can actually try to do stuff and have my complaints overheard by people rather than sitting on the sidelines dead where no one can hear me and I can't effect stuff.

what am I ranting about again? no clue. fluffy's got it worse though. I mean yeah my gf owns all mah money that I earn so I rarely get to enjoy it, but sometimes I get to so.. it's not all bad.

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Nope. Depression isn't external. Depression is internal. There is no rhyme or reason, just depression. There is no silver lining, no bright side, nothing good to focus on, there is only depression. I have a practiced fake happy, it fools most people.

that line was a joke. get it? depressed? button?

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Ok. That made me laugh.