On February 20th, some time before I took the first picture at 21:56:29 PM, I cleaned my keyboard for the first time in four years. I did not have compressed air. I did not have intelligence. You may say "Why didn't you just go outside and clean it?" to which I would respond "It was a minimum of -25°C outside that day night and probably closer to -40°C with wind chill, so fuck you." I just wanted to get it done. This is the result of my fucking idiocy. You may not think much of it, but just wait. You'll see.

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THE MONSTROSITY:





Macros:

Numpad, arrow keys, those other buttons I don't know the group name of:

All the keys lined up in order:


My poor, abused (Megan Fox) thumb after ripping off all those keys.


I had to use a micro-screwdriver to get those tougher bits:

**I used rolled-up toilet paper sections, cut into four stripes, which were then wet with saliva because fuck you**

Cleaned the inside! (This was not the long part):

Close ups:






Almost done! (Also my feet):

**Each key took a minimum of one of those toilet paper strips. THIS is the long part, believe it or not.**
Close up:


FUCKING FINALLY!!!:

Close up:

Fancy shot:


The disgusting mess of tissues, hair, food particles, oil, saliva, and blood (Yes, blood. MY MOUTH WAS BLEEDING THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME. I BLED FOR THIS):


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Okay. Now for the fun part. The part where you get to say "You fucking idiot, you can't even clean a fucking keyboard properly" if you haven't already been saying that. The part where you get to laugh at me for my paramount levels of stupidity. Let me reiterate so you don't have to scroll back up.

Picture start time: February 20th, 21:56:29 PM
Picture end time: February 21st, 2:54:01 AM

Pulling off all those keys took a MINIMUM of five minutes in order to not break them. It took over FIVE. FUCKING. HOURS.

Yeah, fuck me, right?

BONUS CONTENT:

Did you know that Forkheads has an RSS feed? Did you know that the Logitech G15 keyboard has an RSS feed function for the screen it has? (Fancy shit, picked it up for $30CAD off Kijiji.) See where I'm going with this? Of course not, you're a fucking idiot. No, wait, that's me.

TOPIC HEADING:

MOST RECENT POST CONTENT:

**Images are in a different size because I was uploading the keyboard pictures with space in mind, whereas these ones were uploaded just for a quick post in chat.**

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You have won an internet.

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awesome

i was kind of expecting it to be revealed you broke the electronic bits or something with static or some shit

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Works fine. The 0 key on the numpad is a little stuck cause one of the clips broke off when I was taking it off, but everything else is golden.

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excelent

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I don't even want to know what's underneath the keys of my 14 year old keyboard that I never in my life have cleaned. I imagine opening that shit up will have the same consequences as digging up ground in rainforests.

New and old diseases will take the world by storm. None will survive.

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